How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
