I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
