I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
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Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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