On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
being pregnant is like rehab
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize