Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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