i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
