____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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