I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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