did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
