Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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