That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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