Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
