I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
