your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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