dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
