I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
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I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
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I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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