Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
