She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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