So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
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