I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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