So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hippo gnu deer
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
