in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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