yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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