i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
