Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
