we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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