but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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