she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
