just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
