After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
