I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
