I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
