Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize