i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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