You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
