so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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