I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
