it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
