she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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