This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
