Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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