last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
