It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
