I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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