You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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