when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
