dude i'm inner monologue high
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize