thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
