Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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