I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
