i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
