So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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