I'm going to rape someone's good day.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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