just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
