i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
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I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
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I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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