Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
