Dual....:-)
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
