I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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