I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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