we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Of course I have a pirate flag
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
