If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Couch. On fire.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
