I'm drive I can fine osifer
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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