Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize