Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
