we have officially lost it.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
