when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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