she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
