i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
