as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
