Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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