she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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