I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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