Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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