id be glad to
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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