When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shit smells like andre
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize