please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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