Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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