omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
