um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
