why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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