I think my vagina is haunted
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So many bounce houses so little time
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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