I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
