I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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