We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
